I want my strawberry.

I seem to be going through 3 different phases.

Phase 1: Being mad at J. In this phase I think of every thing that annoyed me about him, and every reason why I can't be with him.

Phase 2: Missing J. In this phase I think of all the good times, and how much I still care about him.

Phase 3: Indifferent. In this phase I don't even think about him. At all.

I don't spend more time in one or the other. They seem to just alternate days. It's kind of weird. I didn't go through this with The Ex. I just went from liking him, to realizing I didn't anymore. Sure there was anger and missing him, but it didn't switch on a daily basis. It was more a gradual slide from one thing to another.

I wasn't thinking about him at all today, until a co-worker asked if I had a "boy toy" to go to a movie with. Then phase 1 set in. Even when we were together, those last few months he wasn't around to do things like that with. I knew what I was getting into when he told me he was taking that job, but I guess I didn't realize how alone I would be. Especially since he hates using the phone, and they have no internet out there. I should have known what was going to happen. But I guess I have learned from the experience, and have figured out what else I want out of a relationship.

One of my friends refers to guys in terms of vanilla and chocolate. Vanilla boys are good boys, easy to figure out, and set in their ways. Chocolate boys are wild, full of surprises, and not good for you (but you want them anyways!). The ex was vanilla. In many ways he was a challenge, but overall pretty vanilla. J was chocolate. What I need is the mixture. The compromise. Something not as daring as chocolate, but not as simple as vanilla. What I need is the strawberry!

Looking for a strawberry. Do I sound crazy to anybody else?