Stressball

I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights. I toss and turn, lie awake for hours, and wake up way too early. This tends to happen when I'm stressed out. This morning after a strange dream involving vampires and wizards who could transform into werewolves (yes I'm reading H.P. and yes T.lite is still at the theater), I decided to give up on trying to sleep and laid in my bed thinking/stressing. Today's topic: moving. I have never lived on my own. I haven't lived in a different house since I was 10. I only know one person in Kelowna. Everybody says you adjust really fast and because I'm at school making friends will be easy. And I know they're all right. But it doesn't stop me from freaking out.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. I'm glad I'm doing it. I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around actually doing it. I'm not really the type to venture out on my own and explore new worlds (yes I just recently watch S.trek). It amazes me that I planned this at all. In some ways I'm very independent, but in others I'm very much a follower. I like having someone else make the plans and to be there with me to carry them out.

This makes me think of something my mom has always said. Be happy with yourself first because you're the one you're stuck with for the rest of your life. She means this in terms of relationships but it works for this too. Nobody else can do this for me. I'm stuck doing it myself. With myself. By myself. For myself.

Time to throw on my big girl panties.

Counting Down

I am slowly going crazy, 1..2..3..4..5..6. switch
crazy going slowly am I, 6..5..4..3..2..1. switch

On Friday I came home and actually burst into tears when I couldn't find my chocolate bar. Stressed much? I thought I had failed my midterm (turns out I did manage to pass!), and just wanted a little comfort food. I found it 10 minutes later and burst into tears again (out of relief I guess!).

About one month left until exams are over. That scares the crap out of me. I don't want to continue the path I'm on at school, but I don't really have an idea of where I want to go next. I've had people telling me since I was 16 that I would figure out what I wanted to do with my life and go at it. Here I am at 22, still without a clue. Why can't I be one of those people that know what they want? I hate those people with their perfect little plans. Okay actually I don't hate them, I'm just jealous!

1 month list of things left to do:
8 assignments
1 essay
1 quiz
4 exams

Freaking Out!

I just made a list of every assignment, midterm and exam I have to do between now and the end of April. Shouldn't have done that! It's overwhelming. I have 20 assignments, 4 midterms, and 4 exams to do. In 2 months.

By the end of tonight, I'll be able to cross 1 assignment and 1 midterm off that list. But that still leaves me with A LOT of work to do.

On a lighter note, my friend is going to have her baby soon!! She's due in about a week. I'm so excited! I'm hoping to go see her the first weekend in April for her birthday, and I'll be able to see the little bundle of joy!

New Semester

School starts tomorrow and I'm not ready for it. In fact, I'm dreading it. I'm already feeling stressed and I haven't set one foot inside of a classroom. I imagine it is only going to get worse. I know it's not the right mind-set to have, but it's the one I've got for now. Maybe things will look different by tomorrow night. Maybe by the end of the week I'll feel better about the whole thing. But for now I want to fast forward through the next 4 months of my life.

What kind of attitude is that for a new year?